Dear Melissa,
My 4-year-old son just started a new preschool a few weeks ago, and I’m not sure that it is a good fit. How do I go about talking to the teacher/administration to help change the situation?
I have been a mama for 7 ½ years and an occupational therapist for over a decade. I have worked with my share of preschools and schools, both public and private, and I have attended countless school meetings both as a parent and as a therapist. As Mamas (and Daddys) we want our children’s school experience to be the absolute best. However, sometimes the school environment is simply not a good fit.
You will never see me be more of a “mama lion” than
when I feel the need to advocate for one my cubs!
I will be honest. Some approaches I have tried worked, and some have not. But if you feel the need to advocate for your child, DO IT!
Here is my list of “Best Shot” practices for talking to the school in an attempt to make a positive change for your child:
1. Identify the problem.
It’s not good enough to say that “things aren’t good”. Try to figure out what about the situation isn’t working and have some ideas ready as to what might solve the problem. Does your child need a lower teacher/student ratio? Does your child need additional tutoring? Does your child need special medical considerations? Also, take into consideration the feasibility of your requests. If you have a list of specific (reasonable) demands, you can make a more clear, concise argument.
2. Know your audience.
It does you no good to have a meeting with the teacher, only to find out that her hands are tied and she has no control over a particular situation. I feel that often times (in both public and private schools) the teacher knows what needs to happen to make the appropriate accommodations, but her administration won’t listen to her requests.This is when I like to request a joint meeting between the parents, teacher, and the administration so that the teacher can see that you are advocating for her as well. Often the administration won’t listen to the teacher alone, but if the parent is making a particular request in front of both parties, your chances are more likely to be heard.
3. It takes a village.
Ask yourself, “who knows your child and who will be willing to attend this meeting to support both you and your child?” It can be very intimidating for a parent to sit across a table full of school personnel and be greatly outnumbered. Solicit the assistance of your child’s therapist, grandma, auntie, coach, pastor…anyone who will be a calm voice of reason in a potentially volatile situation.
4. You get more flies with honey.
It is ALWAYS a good idea to start the meeting off with something positive. The facility, an individual teacher, a particular activity, SOMETHING. Most teachers and administrators are in this profession for the right reasons. It may simply be that they are unaware of certain problems and are actually more than happy to try to fix them. You will likely be more successful if you go into the meeting with a positive attitude rather than immediately go into attack mode.
5. Compromise if need be.
OK, you stated your wish list, you tried to shoot for the stars, and it looks like you aren’t really getting anywhere. Now it is time to prioritize what is necessary to make the situation work. NO, “good enough” is not good enough, but ultimately, what are the necessary items to create a positive environment for your child?
6. Know when to walk away.
I have made this list many times myself, both as a mama and as an OT, trying to determine the best placement. Some of my ultimate questions include:
- Is the child SAFE? Both the physical and emotional environments need to be an appropriate match for a particular child.
- Is the child loved? I don’t care if it is the lunch lady or the librarian, somebody at that school needs to think that my child is wonderful!
- Can the child grow? Yes, grow academically, but also socially and spiritually.
7. Have a plan B.
So you decided that this school situation will not work for your child. Now what? Always have a secondary school in mind that you think will work for your child/family (public vs private, different pre-school, petition for a different classroom/district, etc).
Still need help? Talk to your child’s occupational, physical, or speech therapist to see if he/she might have some ideas to problem-solve the situation. Also, for Children’s Therapy TEAM families, our on-staff Family Support Coordinator, Amber Spencer, is available to offer her sage parenting advocacy experience. Also, here in Northwest Arkansas, we have a fabulous resource in the Arkansas Support Network. This is a free service that can help parents to navigate school settings.
Resources:
Arkansas Support Network
5 Ways to Handel Teacher Troubles, Stephanie Dolgoff, Parenting.com (accessed September, 2015)
What Teachers Really Want to Tell Parents, Ron Clark, CNN.com, 2013 (accessed September, 2015)