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Dear Melissa,
My goal for the new year was to get my 4 year old to try new foods, but it isn’t working! It seems as if every meal time has turned into a battle for control and I think I am losing! Any ideas?
That sounds really frustrating! The good news is there are many, many tricks to help create more success at meal times. However, let me start by sharing my three basic tenets when dealing with children. As soon as you learn to let these go, the easier your life will be.
- You can’t make them eat.
- You can’t make them sleep.
- You can’t make them potty.
Parenting a Picky Eater
Given the tenets above, a parent may think there is no hope. However, by finding ways to decrease battles for control, parents can have success tackling these traditionally challenging arenas of parenting. With the parents I work with I often share “The 5 Rules” to help decrease tension and battles over control at meal times. These rules create a black and white “contract” between you and your child. There is no room for negotiation. Both parties know exactly what to expect, are allowed to make their own choices, and have an element of control.*
*Note: Talk to your physician and therapist before proceeding if your child is significantly underweight or has severe sensory aversions toward food. Severe sensory aversion is defined as having less than 20 “preferred foods” or having eliminated entire food groups.
THE 5 RULES
1) Parents Choose “WHEN”
Parents decide when meals and snacks are scheduled. Ideally, a child will have 3 meals and 1-3 snacks depending on age, with snack frequency decreasing as a child ages. This allows 4-6 opportunities for good nutrition per day. However, “grazing” is NOT allowed.
2) Parents Choose “WHERE”
Parents decide where the child/family will eat. At the dinner table, in the car on the way to/from school, etc. However, taking a bite or 2 and walking away from the dinner table, coming back, walking away, coming back, is NOT allowed.
3) Parents Choose “WHAT”
Parents decide what will be placed on the plate, or what snack/meal will be packed. (Kids are required to allow the food to at least exist on the plate, even if they literally don’t even touch it).
4) Kids Choose “WHETHER”
Kids choose whether or not they will eat a certain food. It is OK if they only eat one type of food at a particular offering. You can offer a preferred food from a different food group at the next food offering. The key is to get a bit of variety of the course of day/week, not necessarily at a particular meal.
5) Kids Choose “HOW MUCH”
Kids choose how much of a particular food they will eat. Kids have the choice to eat more than one serving of a particular food without touching the other food(s). However, you do have the right to limit the number of servings at some point so as to not give 10 servings of bananas, because of course, that would cause a tummy ache.
GUIDANCE FOR PARENTS
Stick to your guns.
A child should not be allowed to throw a tantrum or whine in order to pick out whatever he wants from the pantry. Yes, this should be obvious, but this rule is routinely broken. Stick to your guns! You are the parent, you can do this!
Offer choices…but don’t be a short order cook.
1) Meals should have 3 different items offered.
2) Snacks should have 1-2 different items offered.
3) Offer at least 1 preferred food and 1 non-preferred food per meal (unless you get to the point where your child eats so well that there is no need to offer non-preferred foods!).
4) Do not cook spaghetti for the family and chicken nuggets for the “picky eater”. If the family wants spaghetti, the entire family gets spaghetti. You can modify it by not adding sauce for example, but everyone gets spaghetti. Just make sure that there is at least 1 preferred item on the “picky eater’s” plate, such as a banana, roll, etc…
Plants are a must (french fries don’t count…sorry!).
1) Every meal and most snacks should contain a plant. I always tell my children “pick a plant” and then give them 2-3 fruit/veggie items to choose from. Numerous studies have shown if you simply give children a choice of “plants” then they will be much more likely to actually eat them. This has created some weird combos in my house (Taco Bell with steamed broccoli, anyone?), but it has created an expectation that ALL meals contain real plants (french fries don’t count, sorry!).
2) Do not worry so much about a child eating vegetables, as long as he is getting a wide variety of fruit. Keep offering the veggies as non-preferred foods and keep putting a bite or two of veggies on the plate.
Don’t worry…
1) If it feels like your child has “skipped” a meal, don’t worry. In reality, he probably had a few bites of food and a cup of milk. That is a meal for a young child!
2) It is OK for a child to choose to pass on a meal/snack. Again, as long as your child’s doctor is not concerned that your child is extremely under weight. Your child will likely make up for the missed calories at the next meal, or even the next day.
Begin a food adventure
If your child does decide to eat a small portion of a new food, you can add additional incentives such as sticker charts or nickels to work toward rewards. You can also create a “food adventure guide” to help a child record his new food discoveries.
Seek out extra help if…
If you have tried the above techniques without success, you may need a more tailored approach to your child’s food aversions. Talk to your child’s pediatrician and/or therapist if your child exhibits any of the following behaviors/symptoms:
a) routinely skips several meals in a row,
b) appears to have severely controlling behaviors surrounding food,
c) expresses significant anxiety with new foods,
d) is losing weight,
e) routinely gags when trying new foods.
Who can help?
A certified Speech and/or Occupational Therapist with additional specialized training should be able to help. Many of Children’s Therapy TEAM’s therapists have had extensive training in helping families overcome food defensiveness. Many of our therapists have received Food Chaining Certification, considered a gold standard training in broadening a child’s picky palate.
Is your child a picky eater?
What techniques have you used to help your child try new foods?
email: share@childrenstherapyteam.com
Resources:
Seven New Strategies for Feeding a Picky Eater, Evonne Lack, BabyCenter.com
Food Chaining: The Proven 6-Step Plan to Stop Picky Eating, Solve Feeding Problems, and Expand Your Child’s Diet, Cheri Fraker, Mark Fishbein, Sibyl Cox, Larua Walbert (2007)
Busy Moms’ Resolutions, Children’s Therapy TEAM Blog (2014)